Self Refection

To me, self reflection is a necessary step in the judgement and reaction processes. It’s actually the most critical step because it outlines why you are feeling/ reacting a certain way in response to the situation at hand.

Self reflection is important.

It allows an individual to progress as a person.

It provides the foundation in determining a person’s sense of self.

It answers all of the important questions, like,

  • “Why does this matter to me?”
  • “What is causing this reaction?”
  • “How does this affect me as person?”
  • “Do I care about how this will affect others?”
  • “Am I really reacting to the situation at hand? Or is it linked to something else?”

Self reflection is a very complex and time consuming process. It consists of people questioning themselves and digging deep to really try and find the answers to the questions at hand. It also requires people to second guess themselves and to try and accept themselves when they don’t like what they find. It forces one to have an inner dialogue that can not only be aggravating, but also rage inducing, because falling into the mental trap of circular reasoning is easy to do when you’re trapped in your own head. Without the guidance of an outside person of influence, it is very hard to talk your way through the self reflection process. Which is why, at first, it takes a lot of discipline to create the habit of falling back on process of self reflection. Especially since we are born and raised to rely on our emotions and initial responses to current events. Gut instinct. If something feels wrong, we don’t explore why it feels wrong, we just accept it and move on. Self reflection is basically the educational counter to this basic impulse instilled in all of us. It gives us the “Why?,” instead of focusing on the, “Just because.”

I could go on.

My point is that self reflection is a necessity.

It needs to be developed by an individual.

It takes A LOT of practice.

It can be difficult and aggravating at times.

AND…

I’m awful at this.

I hate everything about it.

Self reflection really sucks sometimes.

Like, who wants to spend time in their own heads discovering themselves? Aren’t my initial thoughts enough? I feel this way about something because I just do! That’s all there is. Isn’t that a valid reason? My feelings are my feelings and that justifies everything!

Right?!

Wrong.

Feelings are just that. Feelings.

I know that. A lot of rational, scientific people know that, but a majority of the population doesn’t. And I personally think a lot of people who do know that, often tend to forget that. I mean, we live in a technologically developed world where digital access is at our fingertips. Feeling an emotion about something that just happened? Write it out, post it on any social media platform, and there will be instant justification for your feelings within moments. This daily act of feeling confirmation gratification is what perpetuates the belief that a person’s emotions and beliefs are just as valid as scientifically proven facts and experiences.

Living your life through feelings is not only primitive, but also unnecessary.

Now, I’m not talking about ignoring things that make you happy, or sad, or emotionally distressed. These are obvious responses to certain situations that are necessary in putting together the pieces of your life that will result in the most satisfying outcome possible. As long as that self reflection concludes that no one is getting hurt, it is socially acceptable to engage is said situations, and the outcome will result in an increase in overall positivity, then why not? (Just to be clear, this automatically excludes murder, rape, incest, and all of those other awful things… Seriously, don’t do them.)

In this instance, I’m specifically relating to those feelings of anger, aggression, and annoyance. Why do people have certain trigger words? Why do they get mad about certain things? What is the underlying cause for their furious reactions/ behaviors? How are they so accepting of certain situations that are hazardous to themselves and others?

I know I’ve been on a racial/ political tirade for a while now, and it’s not going to stop anytime soon, but I’m not specifically referring to these controversial topics. I’m actually just referring to these responses in general, because if someone responds so negatively to a situation, I think it requires a lot of time for self reflection.

I feel like women are definitely better at this than men are. Like, as women, we are trained to second guess almost everything and never be super confident because we’ll come off as bitches, and no one wants to come off as a bitch. Well, we’re not supposed to, but come on. Who are we kidding?

So, if I ever find myself mad at something or someone, at first, I am confused. I don’t normally feel anger, let alone react in response to my anger. So, like every lady, I first question my hormones. I wonder if it’s that time of the month, because honestly, no matter how well adjusted we are, no matter how well regulated our hormones are, they will fluctuate and we will become irrationally passionate at some point (to put it nicely). I will question what is different this time. If it is something that usually aggravates me, but this time, I blow up, I assume I’ve reached my breaking point. If it’s something that has never happened to me before and I react negatively towards it, I check to see if there is some personal link between the current situation and an experience I have dealt with in the past that caused a similar reaction. I will question EVERY THING, even if it may sound the dumbest thing on earth. Like, am I mad because I didn’t like the color? Is it an inch off? Is her left eyebrow tweezed thinner than the right? Is his collar popped deliberately?

Yes, these are legitimate questions.

Why?

Because it’s all a part of the self reflection process. No matter how stupid something might sound, all things must be considered. You think I was joking about the uneven eyebrows? I never joke about eyebrows. Eyebrows can aesthetically make or break a face, and I know I get angry about them because it means a person has chosen to be ignorant towards to affects of face flattering eyebrows, and I hate ignorance, even it’s by choice. Obviously, I don’t let if affect my relations with others, but the judgement will still be there.

This is the point of self reflection.

To really get to the bottom of your reactions and feelings and determine the why in order to form an educated, rational response. Sometimes, that response can even be, “I know I’m being irrational right now, but…” Which still qualifies as a great response because it acknowledges the process of self reflection while still expressing acceptance to the fact that feelings are not a valid determinant.

That’s pretty much it.

I really didn’t write this to voice my concerns or anything. In fact, I wrote this because I’ve been seeing a lot of unnecessary anger. A lot of volatile reactions to otherwise calm and educated statements about today’s society. It’s like certain individuals are more offended by the mere mentioning of social injustices, instead of the acts of social injustices themselves, and I can’t wrap my mind around it.

Like, these statements will be backed up by fact, history, and other various forms of evidence, but people will openly ignore it because their feelings won’t allow them otherwise. It’s situations like these where self reflection really comes into play. At what point in time would a reasonable, rational person ever say, “Screw the facts! My feelings are this, and I’m not changing!”

AND PEOPLE TAKE PRIDE IN THAT!

They are happy to admit that they are ignorant! And it is their pride and ignorance that justifies their complete lack of disregard to the truth.

That’s crazy, right?!

I’m not the only one who thinks so, am I?

Like, I don’t think I could ever say anything along the lines of my feelings trump everything else. That’s not how my mind works. If someone puts the facts right in front of me (better yet, if I go and find the facts myself… You know, with the magical power of the internet), I’m going to change my mind and the only thing I’m going to feel is shame because I wasn’t educated enough to begin with. Like, I couldn’t.

I JUST CAN’T!

Well…

I guess that last part was me voicing my concerns.

Nevermind then.

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